The road less traveled…

My partner and I were attempting to become pregnant. For many reasons – including my sanity – we have put that on the back burner for now and are just working on walking down the road less traveled. We've been through Katrina – moved to Colorado – and our next adventure is headed to California.

14 DPO November 19, 2010

Filed under: 2WW — 2Lesbians&Baby @ 8:29 am
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          I sit here and the all too familiar feeling in my tummy is a sign that my fears were right….we aren’t pregnant.  Slight cramping just means that AF is about to rear her ugly head.  For some reason, this time is hitting me harder than the last ones.  Maybe it’s because the holidays are around the corner and I wanted a beautiful little reason to celebrate this year.  Maybe it’s because I wont’ see my family this year for the Holidays and I wanted my own little family to be closer to being complete. 

          I’ve taken 3 EPT HPTs, all 3 BFN.  At this moment I just want to crawl into my bed and cry.  I know this isn’t rational – that it takes 3-6 months in good cases for it to work.  I know this is technically only our 2nd try (one try was WAY off the mark), but that isn’t making today any easier.

 

Shouldn’t have tested… November 17, 2010

Filed under: Hurt — 2Lesbians&Baby @ 3:59 pm
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I can just blame it on being too early, right?

 

So….

Filed under: 2WW — 2Lesbians&Baby @ 1:23 pm
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I had a dream last night that I took a test and it was positive – what are the odds of getting a + on HPT at 12DPO?

 

12 DPO

Filed under: 2WW — 2Lesbians&Baby @ 9:45 am
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Sunday – I can wait till Sunday – I can make it till sunday….really, I can.
I’m not feeling the urge to POAS.
I’m not feeling the need to know NOW (Again, that Veruca Salt, she keeps coming out!).
I’m not going to continue to analyze the fact that I feel NOTHING
I’m not going to be crushed if it’s negative

I’m really not…

 

I still don’t FEEL pregnant November 15, 2010

Filed under: 2WW — 2Lesbians&Baby @ 6:26 pm
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….at all.  Not even one little tiny ounce – but according to some comments on my lst post, that is entirely possible.  Therefore, I’m going with it.

I’m so very thankful to have people commenting and thinking of me through this process.  I know that I am not near as far a long as others are and I don’t foresee any issues in my conceiving like many of the women in this network, and for that I’m grateful.  It will happen when it is supposed to happen – that I agree with.  Somedays the Veruca Salt in me comes out and I have a hard time keeping her at bay.

Lori and I had a fabulous weekend – Saturday we went and got a new bed.  We’ve been needing to do this for quite some time, so it was not money that I stressed about leaving.  Finally we don’t have our mattress sagging in the middle, and it makes for a much better night’s sleep for sure.  Sunday we went to the Bronco’s vs. Chiefs game (I am NOT a football fan!) and Lori enjoyed it immensely.  I didn’t hate it, just don’t get the whole idea of men running around after a ball – not much of a sports fan myself at all.

After shopping on Saturday, we decided to go out to eat.  We haven’t been out in a while (attempting to save money – which we are terrible at – but that’s another post) so we decided to go to Outback.  Sitting there in the booth and there is a family next to us with a baby that can’t be any older than 6 months or so.  Well, he had learned a new noise (this high pitched squeal – not really easy to explain) and was having a blast.  He’s laughing and cooing at us and, of course, I fall apart!

Here’s hoping for 2 lines on Sunday!

 

I hate fertility friend… November 12, 2010

Filed under: 2WW — 2Lesbians&Baby @ 8:04 am
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     I really do.  I hate it because it’s a stupid obsession that I cannot get rid of.  I hate it because I try to find charts like mine and it’s showing a 5% chance that I’m pregnant and a 95% chance that this was an ovulatory cycle.  I hate it because I’m trying not to believe it, but if that is the case then what’s the point of taking my damned temperature every morning.
        I also hate that I don’t feel any symptoms – nothing – and I really don’t think that I’m pregnant.  Which means we spent 1K on sperm for nothing and I’m going to end up having to go to a doctor and I can’t really afford the sperm AND all the crap the doctor wants to do.  I hate that I was on Facebook yesterday and EVERYONE is pregnant.  My old high school friends are all pregnant.  I watched a sideshow of a friends labor and delivery and cried all the way through it.  

I hate it because I feel extremely defeated right now and FF is supposed to comfort me….

 

5DPO November 10, 2010

Filed under: 2WW — 2Lesbians&Baby @ 1:11 pm
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Wow – I could have SWORN it’s been at least 2 days since I posted last.  Guess what – that was YESTERDAY!

Well, nothing on this 2ww to report so far – stressing as usual – but no symptoms of anything that I can tell.  I did feel a bit of nausea yesterday, but I’m not sure if that’s my mind messing with me or not.

I can say that I’m beginning to despise my job.  Now – I make great money and love the people I work with, but it is starting to become a chore to get up in the morning and drag myself in here.  This company is basically a combination of other companies (they chose acquisitions as a way to grow back when they were growing) and it seems like my segment of the company is the red-headed step child of them all.  We don’t get near as many resources, we are always getting the finger pointed at us for everything, never get any congratulations from upper management (even though we blow our quota out of the water EVER month), and our new VP of sales is pushing for more calls/talk time to a point that it’s so completely frustrating I want to bang his bald head against the wall.

I think I really just need a break and I can get back into it.  I’ve mentioned before that Lori has been ill, and I haven’t had any vacation time in a while because it was all used for when Lori was sick.  Basically, since March, I’ve been EXTREMELY stressed out about either Lori’s health or money (Lori’s been out of work and we’ve been living off of my savings).  She’s had 3 surgeries and been in the hospital MULTIPLE times – once I didn’t think she was even going to make it.  I’ve been burying myself in my job to keep myself sane – and I think I’ve burnt out a little.  Well, now that she’s better, I really need to get away for a bit.  WE really need to get away for a bit.

(BTW, need a job?  I can point you in a direction to look!  We are the largest group of job boards in the country)

I am excited, however, for January to come.  My company is having our National Sales Meeting in Marco Island Florida.  Nothing like a company paid vacation!  We’ll be staying Sunday thru Wednesday for the conference (ALL DAY sales training and company gatherings – yay) at the Marco Island Marriott Resort and Spa.  It is ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL and set right on the beach in Marco Island Florida.  Now, Lori and I can’t afford to stay there after the conference, but I found a nice hotel in Fort Myers for us to move to (Candlewood Suites) that I named my own price on Priceline for ($50/night instead of $200/night!).  We’re going to stay Wednesday thru Sunday and just explore southern Florida – one day specifically set aside to see the Keys.  Lori lived in Key West for 5 years and says it’s beautiful – the pictures don’t do it justice.  Hopefully that’s the getaway I need to get back on track here.

Anyway – 5 days down, 10 to go?

 

 
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