Lori and I went out to the movies last night. It was our 6th anniversary and we saw Salt (Fantastic movie, by the way.). While out I got the weirdest feeling -I COULD BE PREGNANT in less than a month!! HOLY SHIT!! While I’m very excited to get this process moving forward, it just seems so weird to me. When Lori and I got together, I basically wrote off the possibility of ever getting pregnant because it wasn’t something that Lori wanted to do. Now that it’s here, it just seems so surreal. I’ve also found that I’m completely obsessed with reading other lesbian couple’s pregnancy blogs. It consumes my whole day (good thing I’m great at my job and am already at quota). Speaking of that – my job – oh man I have to start saving vacation/sick time. Why am I getting obsessed when it hasn’t even begun???
I’m also fairly obsessed with looking at baby items online. What if it jinxes me? What if it takes forever to get pregnant? What if I have to do IUI? What if I have to do IVF? What if I can’t afford to even get pregnant – because Goodness Knows my insurance won’t cover ANY of it.
Then that moves me into – what if I can’t afford the kid when it gets here? (mind you my financial situation is FANTASTIC, so there’s no reason to worry at all). My mind still finds all the possible things that could go wrong. What if I lose my job? What if I can’t give my child what it needs? What if I pass along my obsessiveness/depression? What if something terrible happens to my child like happened to me when I was a little girl…..
So, update on the donor situation – We chose our options yesterday. Midwest sent me a MASSIVELY OUTDATED donor list, and everyone I picked was not available. We decided to go with NorthWest Andrology & Cryobank out of Seattle Washington. The cost is a little higher, but they have up to date donor profiles. Our four options, in this order, are #340, #439, #8765G, and #1002. I also like that they will send them to you for home insemination without having to go through a doctor’s office or get a referral/approval from my primary. I went online today and ordered long profiles for all 4 of them – so it’s possible that the actual order changes.
That’s the end of that one – Gotta actually attempt to do some work. God help me if they do a search to see what I’ve been searching on my work computer lately…..UGH