The road less traveled…

My partner and I were attempting to become pregnant. For many reasons – including my sanity – we have put that on the back burner for now and are just working on walking down the road less traveled. We've been through Katrina – moved to Colorado – and our next adventure is headed to California.

8 DPI… February 3, 2011

Filed under: 2WW — 2Lesbians&Baby @ 4:01 pm
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…and getting more anxious to test by the minute.

The plan is to wait until NEXT Friday to do the test (2-11-11), but I doubt that I’m going to make it that far.  I should be able to test with an early HPT by even Tuesday, but of course I found this article online and now I don’t know if I WANT to test/know early!  This excerpt is what worries me:

The down side is the expense of repetetive testing and the anxiety that it can cause. If you test for pregnancy before a missed period, you will pick up chemical pregnancies. This occurs when the sperm does meet the egg and pregnancy is established, but it is not a good pregnancy (most often a chromosomal problem in the embryo) and is lost very early on. Without early testing this cycle may be normal, slightly delayed, or heavier. Up to 50% of pregnancies diagnosed before the missed period end in miscarraige.

Now there is a side of me that is like, WTF!! Who wrote that?  Where is the study that shows those numbers?  Is that a doctor’s point of view?  “Up to” 50%, does that mean 47% or 5%?  This is from the internet, where anyone can write anything, but what if it’s true?  I don’t want to detect a chemical pregnancy and be even more devastated, BLAH!

I’m keeping my head positive – PUPO I am – but the rational side of me keeps wavering back and forth wildly.  One second I’m absolutely certain that I’m pregnant, and the next I’m absolutely certain that I am not.  I can say that I do feel different this time than the last times at home, but this really could be simply because I know that it was DONE differently so I’m psyching myself out differently.

Being a psychology student is so difficult – you can recognize your irrational thoughts and understand they are irrational, but can’t stop them anyway!

So – I’ve changed my background on my work computer to be a slideshow of photos that I’ve found across the net of sleeping babes.  When I do have this baby, he/she is going to have a MILLION PHOTOS taken of him/her – just like these!

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The Deed is done! January 26, 2011

Filed under: TTC — 2Lesbians&Baby @ 12:40 pm
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OMG I made it through! Swimmers are swimming and I”m set to go into the revised time for our Meeting in about 30 minutes. Who thinks I’ll actually be able to pay attention?

Countdown till testing:
14 days



 

14 DPO November 19, 2010

Filed under: 2WW — 2Lesbians&Baby @ 8:29 am
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          I sit here and the all too familiar feeling in my tummy is a sign that my fears were right….we aren’t pregnant.  Slight cramping just means that AF is about to rear her ugly head.  For some reason, this time is hitting me harder than the last ones.  Maybe it’s because the holidays are around the corner and I wanted a beautiful little reason to celebrate this year.  Maybe it’s because I wont’ see my family this year for the Holidays and I wanted my own little family to be closer to being complete. 

          I’ve taken 3 EPT HPTs, all 3 BFN.  At this moment I just want to crawl into my bed and cry.  I know this isn’t rational – that it takes 3-6 months in good cases for it to work.  I know this is technically only our 2nd try (one try was WAY off the mark), but that isn’t making today any easier.

 

Shouldn’t have tested… November 17, 2010

Filed under: Hurt — 2Lesbians&Baby @ 3:59 pm
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I can just blame it on being too early, right?

 

So….

Filed under: 2WW — 2Lesbians&Baby @ 1:23 pm
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I had a dream last night that I took a test and it was positive – what are the odds of getting a + on HPT at 12DPO?

 

12 DPO

Filed under: 2WW — 2Lesbians&Baby @ 9:45 am
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Sunday – I can wait till Sunday – I can make it till sunday….really, I can.
I’m not feeling the urge to POAS.
I’m not feeling the need to know NOW (Again, that Veruca Salt, she keeps coming out!).
I’m not going to continue to analyze the fact that I feel NOTHING
I’m not going to be crushed if it’s negative

I’m really not…

 

I still don’t FEEL pregnant November 15, 2010

Filed under: 2WW — 2Lesbians&Baby @ 6:26 pm
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….at all.  Not even one little tiny ounce – but according to some comments on my lst post, that is entirely possible.  Therefore, I’m going with it.

I’m so very thankful to have people commenting and thinking of me through this process.  I know that I am not near as far a long as others are and I don’t foresee any issues in my conceiving like many of the women in this network, and for that I’m grateful.  It will happen when it is supposed to happen – that I agree with.  Somedays the Veruca Salt in me comes out and I have a hard time keeping her at bay.

Lori and I had a fabulous weekend – Saturday we went and got a new bed.  We’ve been needing to do this for quite some time, so it was not money that I stressed about leaving.  Finally we don’t have our mattress sagging in the middle, and it makes for a much better night’s sleep for sure.  Sunday we went to the Bronco’s vs. Chiefs game (I am NOT a football fan!) and Lori enjoyed it immensely.  I didn’t hate it, just don’t get the whole idea of men running around after a ball – not much of a sports fan myself at all.

After shopping on Saturday, we decided to go out to eat.  We haven’t been out in a while (attempting to save money – which we are terrible at – but that’s another post) so we decided to go to Outback.  Sitting there in the booth and there is a family next to us with a baby that can’t be any older than 6 months or so.  Well, he had learned a new noise (this high pitched squeal – not really easy to explain) and was having a blast.  He’s laughing and cooing at us and, of course, I fall apart!

Here’s hoping for 2 lines on Sunday!

 

 
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