I haven’t posted in so long, but I want to say that I most definitely continue to read your updates and share in your joys and sorrows. I got to a place where where I felt like everything I was thinking/writing was negative and that I didn’t like one bit.
What has happened…
- We’ve ended up back in the hospital multiple times with Shayne’s medical issues. We’re still no closer to fixing anything – mainly because things really cannot be “fixed”. This is just something we are going to have to deal with for the foreseeable future. She is doing better for the most part – her pain is still there however and she still feels bad.
- I purchased a scooter – it’s the best thing I’ve ever bought. I ride it every day to work and am saving $50 a week in gas. It’s amazing what 60mpg can do for you! It’s a 2004 Aprilia Scarabeo if any of you want to check it out. I have pictures, but have trouble getting them uploaded.
- My little sister is still living with us and doing fantastically. She’s going to school for medical assistant/x-ray technician and loving every second of it. We don’t fight near as often as we used to, so it’s working out fairly well.
- My smallest cousin came to visit for 3 weeks. He goes home next Tuesday. He’s 12 and I swear I just want to steal him forever!
Now, to what this blog was supposed to be about – us getting pregnant. Shayne and I finally got honest with each other and realized that it’s really just not in the cards for us. With all of Shayne’s medical issues and things, it’s just not a realistic possiblity for us to have a baby at home. There are days when she cannot even get off the couch without being in pain. Last week I came inside and found her passed out in the living room from the heat. There’s really nothing thyat can be done about that and bringing a baby in the picture is just not a good idea.
Saying that out loud was a very difficult thing for the both of us. I didn’t want her to feel like it was her fault while I kinda blamed her for it. It made for some serious conversations and some tearful breakdowns. There are still times when I break down for a time and need some support, but I’m trying really hard to keep it together. I know we would be great parents and I know that I want a baby so bad that it rips a hole in my heart on a regular basis, however I love Shayne with all my heart and can’t imagine my life with anyone else – baby or not.
So, here we are…closer than ever before. Talking more than we ever have. Listening better. Understanding better.
Mostly just not being afraid of honesty with each other. It’s amazing and I’m daring to say that maybe, just maybe, I’m happy again.
Now – time to change my blog name…I’m not really interested in continuing to see 2 lesbians and a baby when there will be no baby – any ideas?
Thanks again for reading – and for sticking with me.
And thanks to Shayne for understanding. I couldn’t do it without him.