The road less traveled…

My partner and I were attempting to become pregnant. For many reasons – including my sanity – we have put that on the back burner for now and are just working on walking down the road less traveled. We've been through Katrina – moved to Colorado – and our next adventure is headed to California.

Sigh… July 25, 2011

Filed under: TTC — 2Lesbians&Baby @ 8:26 am

Why do I feel like every time I get omn here to write a post I’m in a pissy mood and it’s a complete whine?

  1. I hate my job…no….really…I absolutely hate it.  I love what I do and the people I work with, but I hate the management style and I hate the stress that it causes me.  I hate that my paycheck seems to be getting smaller and smaller at a time when I have to bring in the money or we are going to sink.  I hate that I’m forced to make decisions based on information that is incorrect – then when the correct information comes out I’m stuck with a decision  that I would have made completely differently had I had the ENTIRE story when I was forced to make it.  Since none of you would understand if I gave specifics, I’m just going to leave it at that.
  2. I’m massively stressed about money.  Part of it is because of #1, and part of it is because we are now officially on Disability with Lori’s job.  Now, she did work for an amazing company that is giving her much more than most would, but it’s scary to be in this spot officially.
  3. We are still on a break – and I’m not moving in the right direction for my weight goal.  I’m just upset about the whole thing.  I don’t know when we will be able to get started again (again because of money mostly) and I don’t know when we will be able to be any closer to having a child. I’m in a huge funk because of it, and I don’t know what else I can tell myself to get out of it.  I’m tired of hearing that it will happen when the time is right and I’m tired of telling myself that it will happen the next time, just to have the next time flop.  I’m tired of finding out that friends of friends who are in there TEENS and not prepared one bit to have a child are pregnant by ACCIDENT.  I’m tired of watching a specific friend who had a child by an abusive man not listen to me when I tell her that she has the DUTY to get her child out of a bad situation.  I’m just tired.

I’m just sad…extremely sad…and I don’t know what to do about it.  I feel like there’s something on my chest that’s making it hard to breathe.


One Response to “Sigh…”

  1. prettyisa Says:

    Oh, honey. I’m sorry that everything is so hard right now. Have you thought about seeing someone to talk all of this through with? It’s a lot of changes all at once, and it might help to be able to work through it with someone who isn’t involved and can just listen. **hugs** to you!

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