I’m a terrible blogger…I just couldn’t make myself sit down and face this blog. I’m not entirely sure how I feel right now. I have about 50 unread posts in my Google Reader so my apologies for not commenting for you guys. I’m sure that here’s lots going on and I’m so far behind. Sitting down and writing here was just too much for me to deal with. We are on our break – I was ovulating last week (weird that I can feel it now…so interesting what you feel in your body when you are actually paying attention) and it broke my heart not to start POAS and calling my doctor. There are a few reasons for the break:
- This is extremely emotionally draining (I know I don’t have to tell that to any of your) and I just don’t feel like I can keep riding this roller coaster every month. What do you guys do to help you move through it? I’m beginning to feel paralyzed with fear, disappointment, and resentment towards my body.
- This is extremely financially draining at a time when we don’t have a lot of finances to drain. I’m working on paying for a wedding and Shayne just recently got approved for his long term disability so our financial situation is not near what it was last year. Of course, it could be MUCH worse and I have a lot to be thankful for, but it doesn’t seem like a good time to be spending $800-$1000 each month on a chance
- Shayne and I are working on our relationship and moving through his transition. We are going to the therapist and learning how to speak to each other and actually communicate about how we both feel. I love our therapist. It’s so helpful just to hear the same thing that Shayne has been telling me said in a different way that makes the light bulb turn on. I feel like we are getting closer every day and I love the people we are becoming. (as you can tell, I feel much better about this transition now than I did a few months ago.) *****BTW – jump over to his blog and tell him that he’s not allowed to start one, write one post, then NOT WRITE ANYMORE!!!*****
- I need to get healthier. I started going to Curves and want to lose quite a few pounds.
OK – so what’s been going on with us (more bullets)
- I’m almost through this wedding planning stuff. I’ll NEVER do this again. It’s so much more work than it looks like!
- Things we have
- My dress & Shayne’s Tux
- Unity Sand
- Best Wishes Box
- Favor Boxes
- Invitations done and sent out
- Things we need
- Bridesmaids Gifts
- Bridesmaids outfits
- Doggie Tuxes (yes, they are walking in our wedding)
- Hotel Rooms
- Fabric to cover the ugly wall at the reception venue
- I”m sure a hundred other things that I just don’t have the energy to think of right now.
- We spent some time down in Cripple Creek Colorado (say THAT 3 times fast) for Donkey Derby Days – OMG it was so much fun!! I’ll have to get some photos uploaded eventually
- My job is still nuts, but feeling a bit more stable than it has been. Economic times are still tough to be in sales, but it is what it is.
Hm….that’s a fairly long update. I”m going to try to keep this thing going even though we aren’t technically TTC at this moment…hopefully I get back moving.