I’m sitting here and I cannot get this 2ww out of my head. I’m swaying wildly between knowing that I am, to knowing that I’m not, to believing that if I say I don’t want it I will be, to believing if I say I don’t want it that somehow that will make my body will make it not happen. I find myself being angry, sad, tired, happy, annoyed, devastated.
What if I’m not?
What if I”m not pregnant and we’ve wasted more money when Lori is already not working any more?
What if I’m not pregnant and I have to pick myself up and go back to that doctor’s office to do it all over again?
What if I’m not pregnant and it’s because of something that I’ve done?
What if I’m not pregnant and I don’t ever get pregnant? What if I never experience it and we never are able to have the little family that I want so very badly?
We’re at WalMart a couple of nights ago and walking past the baby stuff – I burst into tears. Shayne is so excited for us to be and is completely convinced taht we are.
What if I’m not pregnant and I disappoint her?